Amy came into the office displaying a quiet anger.
She spoke softly, but showed she was full of disappointment and was running on empty.

David was frustrated and embarrassed that his wife had left him again.
He felt inadequate to provide what she asked for when he too felt like he had nothing more to give.



DESCRIPTION OF COUPLE
Amy (38) and David (40) are both remarried and have three children (16 years, 3 years and a 9 month old). Amy works as a part time minister at her church and a stay at home mom. David is a security guard and does construction on the side.

They came in to counseling after being separated for several weeks as a result of a fight that got ugly. Amy move out to live with her brother a few hours away and took their two youngest children with her.

Moving out I was told had been a regular occurrence for Amy and breaking things during arguments had been a regular occurrence for David. Their communication was hostile and though they talked softly, neither seemed interested in being influenced by the other.

David said he feared her lack of commitment. And he believed Amy feared his anger. They said they wanted better communication. And as I heard them speak, I heard Amy asking to be more of a priority and David responding with a list of all the things that he already does for others. They were on two different wave lengths.



DESCRIPTION OF COUNSELOR
Stephan Gombis, BA, MSMFT, LCPC
Sprout Hope Now

Stephan specializes in individual, couples and family therapy. Stephan is an interactive, solution-focused therapist. His therapeutic approach is to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. He integrates complementary methodologies and techniques to offer a highly personalized approach, tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, he works with each individual and couple to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth they are committed to accomplishing.



FIRST MEETING IMPRESSIONS
As I listened to them share about their lives, what jumped out at me was how overcommitted they were. Amy was raising three girls including a 9 month old and a toddler. She also worked at the church. David was up at 6:00 am, worked a construction job during the day and a security job at night. On the weekends he lead his church choir.

Both used every extra moment they had to do for others. They were very gifted and generous individuals, but had nothing at the end of the day to give to each other. Their marriage had taken a back seat to every other good thing in their lives. .

GETTING STARTED
Knowing that they were both overcommitted I knew it would be difficult to give them any more when their plates were already full. I had to help them see how they were choosing good things over the better things-their marriage. And if they stayed on this unsustainable course of never pausing to rest and rejuvenate, their marriage would continue to suffer.

Knowing they both shared a common faith that mattered to them, I asked what the concept of Sabbath (The Judeo-Christian practice of taking one day a week to rest and reflect on what matters) meant to them. As I suspected, they responded with stares that said to me, ”Wow, that would be AMAZING, but HOW?”

We took for the rest of that session to talk about the value of carving out a day to rest and invest in their marriage. And what all the barriers would be to making that a sustainable reality.



A LIFE-CHANGING BREAKTHROUGH
By the end of that session they both had a hopeful glimpse of what their marriage could be if they could make more time for each other. They also saw how a lack of time for rest and rejuvenation had taken its toll on them. David and Amy committed to making Friday their day.

MOVING FORWARD
It wasn’t easy carving out a day to invest in their relationship. Opportunities to choose good over better kept presenting themselves. Sometime they chose good over better, but not without learning from the experience and recommitting to try again.

Things like laundry, extra job opportunities and in-law’s needing assistance came up, but Amy and David are much better at saying ”No” to good things so they have the capacity to say ”Yes” to each other. Amy and David have reported going to movies, dinners and long walks on their ”Sabbath” together. And their marriage is much better the weeks they choose the better things.